What I learned today…. In conversation with Michelle Bowden

My guest today, on Real Women Real Success was Michelle Bowden, the author of DON’T PICTURE ME NAKED – how to present your ideas and influence people using techniques that actually work and one of the most vibrant and energetic people I know.

You can listen to the show here or subscribe to the podcast in the iTunes store

Here are some highlights from our conversation that rang particularly true for me:

• Success is hard work – and it’s not instant! *
• Believe you are a lucky person and luck will come your way
• Exist in a state of gratitude – always recognise how fortunate you are and how much you really have
• There are always going to be compromises and you won’t always enjoy them, but you need to be present to what you are doing right now
• Outsource and get as much support into your life as possible so you can spend your time doing the things you love

Michelle also shared two top tips for beating your nerves when presenting to an audience:

1. Remember it’s about them, not you. Your audience isn’t there to criticise you, they’re there to learn from you, so stop worrying about you and focus your energy on how you can be of service to them
2. Nervousness and excitement create the same physical experience within the body, you just change the language you use to articulate these experiences depending on your circumstances. Next time you think you feel nervous about speaking in public, reframe this experience by changing your language; you are simply feeling ‘funny tummy’ because you’re excited!

Michelle has been the Director of her own thriving business, that offers in-house and public training programs to help people present and influence at work, for the past 10 years. She coaches Australian executives for upcoming important presentations and is a conference speaker herself.

As well as all of that she’s also a very busy wife and mother of three little girls: Holly, Maddie and Annabelle.

You can find out more about Michelle and buy her book, atwww.michellebowden.com.au

* Michelle talked about spending 10 years building a thriving business, 10 years developing her skills as a speaker and a trainer, 10 years creating the wealth of knowledge that went into her book and 10 years earning her CSP qualification, the highest recognition for a professional speaker in the world. I thought it was also interesting that Michelle found 10 years to be her magic number. In Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers, he talks about 10 years or 10,000 hours as being the required effort for mastery and Michelle success is a testament to what you can achieve with continued effort.

Reader's Question: Young at heart!

I would like to ask you how you deal with “ageing”. I am now 59 and often feel that my age is a hindrance to obtaining a new job in today’s market. Christine

This is a really good question and it is a sad truth that some people still make snap judgements based on surface factors such as age, gender, race etc. The good news for you, is that the criticisms that have been levelled at Gen Y recently, have highlighted the value Gen X and Baby Boomers still bring to the workplace. Of course Gen Ys are valuable too - we all have different attributes and the important thing to focus on are yours.

Make sure your age doesn't get in your way at work by:

• Remembering your true age is not chronological, it's mental, emotional, physical and spiritual; maintain a youthful mind and spirit, an open heart and a fit and healthy body.

• Ensuring your presentation is contemporary. This doesn't mean that you have to wear the latest trends or dress like a teenager, but make sure your look is fresh and modern, not tired and dowdy. Check out my favourite stylist Elena Reed at Evolutzia Elena offers great advice interpreting the current fashion trends for everyday life.

• Paying attention to popular culture; film, music, television, online etc. so you actively participate in conversations with people of all ages in your work environment. I always say a sure sign you are getting old is when you don't recognise any of the music on the top 40 anymore!

• Most importantly believing in yourself and what you have to offer. At your stage in life, you have garnered a wealth of experience and the right employer would be mad not to want to capitalise on this!

Reader's Question: Dreams or Fantasies

Hi Domonique, Can you please tell me a little bit more about the difference between dreams and fantasies. Thanks! Helena

Hi Helena, the difference between dreams and fantasies is something I talk about in my book, Your Best Life.

The way I differentiate is a fantasy is something you enjoy thinking about, but for a whole range of reasons are unlikely to do anything/enough towards making it your reality.

Dreams on the other hand are things your really would like to bring into your life, and are willing to put in the time, effort and other resources towards making them your reality.
For example, in my fantasy life, I am a size ten, but it's very unlikely that I will ever go on the starvation plan required to make this a reality in my life. (I'm 5'10"!)

My dream on the other hand is to host my own television program showing people how to create their own best life. This is something I have been working towards, consistently for several years

The easiest test to distinguishing between dreams and fantasies is to ask yourself "what are you willing to do to make this a reality in your life?"

Reader's Question: Why worry?

Hello Domonique, In your book, you touch on the topic of worry. You advise that there is no point to it at all. I was wondering if maybe you could expand on this concept. This would be so helpful. Erica :D

Hi Erica, The thing with worrying is that it doesn't achieve anything. When we worry, our thoughts, just like our stomachs churn round and round without every achieving a resolution.

There are two types of occurrences in life. Those we can control or at least have influence over and those we don't. If something is concerning you, ask yourself what can I do about this. If there is some action you can take, then take it! If the situation is truly beyond your control then you need to learn to accept this. Whist that might not be a pleasant alternative. Worrying won't guarantee a positive outcome either.

Instead of putting your energy into worrying, develop a 'positive expectancy' about your life. This doesn't mean that negative things will never happen, it just means that your energy and attention will be focussed on the assumption that most of the time, things will turn out just fine :-)

I'll leave you with these lyrics from the Baz Luhrmann song 'Sunscreen'

"Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blind side you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday."

Perfectly Imperfect!

One of the things I find myself regularly chatting about with my clients, (and anyone else who will listen) is why it’s so important to give up trying to be perfect.

Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness as it is simply impossible to achieve. Pursuing perfection is a fast track to a constant sense of failure, disappointment, frustration and low self esteem. And, it’s a huge waste of energy.

A quick look at perfect on www.dictionary.com makes this abundantly clear:

Perfect -

• conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type
• excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
• entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

I don’t know anyone who fits that description, do you?

A flaw or imperfection in a diamond or precious gem is called an inclusion. So rather than think of your flaws as problems that need to be resolved, think of them as your own personal inclusions… the things that make you unique.

Focus on being the best you can be and accept that while you may never be perfect, you can be brilliant in your own unique way.

October Newsletter - Video Message

Here is the video version of my October Newsletter

- I would love your feedback....

Bringing your holiday home...

Last week I was on holidays with my husband, daughter, sister-in-law and her partner and my parents-in-law in Provence.*

We had been here less than a day when that familiar feeling of ‘I want to stay here forever’ came over me. Now as you can see, the place really was divine, but in honesty, do I want to spend the rest of my days living in a one street town in rural France…. No, that’s not what I want from life at all. An extended holiday yes, a life in the country…. not for this city slicker.

But the feeling of wanting to stay on holiday forever is one we’ve all experienced, and before you dismiss it, there are some important insights you can uncover. Next time you return from holiday, rather than thinking ‘oh well, I can’t stay here forever, I’d better get back to my real life’, ask yourself what experiences or feelings from your holiday can be retained (with a little effort) when you return.

Here are some of the insights from our group:

• Start your day gently in a relaxed and gentle way
• Read more for pleasure and relaxation, not just to keep ‘on top of things’
• Spend more quiet time on your own
• Have more dinners and social times with family & friends
• End the day gently; going to bed before becoming absolutely exhausted
• Worry less… about everything!

The meal of the holiday was my Tarte aux Poireaux (Leek Tart).

You can check out my recipe here.

*Six adults, one child…the perfect ratio for a relaxing holiday!