Reader's Question: Young at heart!

I would like to ask you how you deal with “ageing”. I am now 59 and often feel that my age is a hindrance to obtaining a new job in today’s market. Christine

This is a really good question and it is a sad truth that some people still make snap judgements based on surface factors such as age, gender, race etc. The good news for you, is that the criticisms that have been levelled at Gen Y recently, have highlighted the value Gen X and Baby Boomers still bring to the workplace. Of course Gen Ys are valuable too - we all have different attributes and the important thing to focus on are yours.

Make sure your age doesn't get in your way at work by:

• Remembering your true age is not chronological, it's mental, emotional, physical and spiritual; maintain a youthful mind and spirit, an open heart and a fit and healthy body.

• Ensuring your presentation is contemporary. This doesn't mean that you have to wear the latest trends or dress like a teenager, but make sure your look is fresh and modern, not tired and dowdy. Check out my favourite stylist Elena Reed at Evolutzia Elena offers great advice interpreting the current fashion trends for everyday life.

• Paying attention to popular culture; film, music, television, online etc. so you actively participate in conversations with people of all ages in your work environment. I always say a sure sign you are getting old is when you don't recognise any of the music on the top 40 anymore!

• Most importantly believing in yourself and what you have to offer. At your stage in life, you have garnered a wealth of experience and the right employer would be mad not to want to capitalise on this!

Reader's Question: Dreams or Fantasies

Hi Domonique, Can you please tell me a little bit more about the difference between dreams and fantasies. Thanks! Helena

Hi Helena, the difference between dreams and fantasies is something I talk about in my book, Your Best Life.

The way I differentiate is a fantasy is something you enjoy thinking about, but for a whole range of reasons are unlikely to do anything/enough towards making it your reality.

Dreams on the other hand are things your really would like to bring into your life, and are willing to put in the time, effort and other resources towards making them your reality.
For example, in my fantasy life, I am a size ten, but it's very unlikely that I will ever go on the starvation plan required to make this a reality in my life. (I'm 5'10"!)

My dream on the other hand is to host my own television program showing people how to create their own best life. This is something I have been working towards, consistently for several years

The easiest test to distinguishing between dreams and fantasies is to ask yourself "what are you willing to do to make this a reality in your life?"

Reader's Question: Why worry?

Hello Domonique, In your book, you touch on the topic of worry. You advise that there is no point to it at all. I was wondering if maybe you could expand on this concept. This would be so helpful. Erica :D

Hi Erica, The thing with worrying is that it doesn't achieve anything. When we worry, our thoughts, just like our stomachs churn round and round without every achieving a resolution.

There are two types of occurrences in life. Those we can control or at least have influence over and those we don't. If something is concerning you, ask yourself what can I do about this. If there is some action you can take, then take it! If the situation is truly beyond your control then you need to learn to accept this. Whist that might not be a pleasant alternative. Worrying won't guarantee a positive outcome either.

Instead of putting your energy into worrying, develop a 'positive expectancy' about your life. This doesn't mean that negative things will never happen, it just means that your energy and attention will be focussed on the assumption that most of the time, things will turn out just fine :-)

I'll leave you with these lyrics from the Baz Luhrmann song 'Sunscreen'

"Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blind side you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday."

Perfectly Imperfect!

One of the things I find myself regularly chatting about with my clients, (and anyone else who will listen) is why it’s so important to give up trying to be perfect.

Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness as it is simply impossible to achieve. Pursuing perfection is a fast track to a constant sense of failure, disappointment, frustration and low self esteem. And, it’s a huge waste of energy.

A quick look at perfect on www.dictionary.com makes this abundantly clear:

Perfect -

• conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type
• excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
• entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

I don’t know anyone who fits that description, do you?

A flaw or imperfection in a diamond or precious gem is called an inclusion. So rather than think of your flaws as problems that need to be resolved, think of them as your own personal inclusions… the things that make you unique.

Focus on being the best you can be and accept that while you may never be perfect, you can be brilliant in your own unique way.

October Newsletter - Video Message

Here is the video version of my October Newsletter

- I would love your feedback....

Bringing your holiday home...

Last week I was on holidays with my husband, daughter, sister-in-law and her partner and my parents-in-law in Provence.*

We had been here less than a day when that familiar feeling of ‘I want to stay here forever’ came over me. Now as you can see, the place really was divine, but in honesty, do I want to spend the rest of my days living in a one street town in rural France…. No, that’s not what I want from life at all. An extended holiday yes, a life in the country…. not for this city slicker.

But the feeling of wanting to stay on holiday forever is one we’ve all experienced, and before you dismiss it, there are some important insights you can uncover. Next time you return from holiday, rather than thinking ‘oh well, I can’t stay here forever, I’d better get back to my real life’, ask yourself what experiences or feelings from your holiday can be retained (with a little effort) when you return.

Here are some of the insights from our group:

• Start your day gently in a relaxed and gentle way
• Read more for pleasure and relaxation, not just to keep ‘on top of things’
• Spend more quiet time on your own
• Have more dinners and social times with family & friends
• End the day gently; going to bed before becoming absolutely exhausted
• Worry less… about everything!

The meal of the holiday was my Tarte aux Poireaux (Leek Tart).

You can check out my recipe here.

*Six adults, one child…the perfect ratio for a relaxing holiday!

Feeding the people you love – Tarte aux Poireaux

As you may already know, in true Italian style, one of my favourite past times is ‘feeding the people I love’.

Whilst here in Provence, I made a Tarte aux Poireaux (Leek Tart) that was such a hit, it was requested for lunch on Wednesday, dinner on Thursday and lunch on Friday!

I thought I’d share my recipe here:

Tarte aux Poireaux

(serves 6)

Ingredients-

1 packet ready rolled short crust pastry (look for one with real butter not nasty transfats!)

6 large leeks/10 small leeks

100g butter

150ml white wine (wine left over from the night before is perfect)

1 cup finely grated cheese preferably emmental or gruyere cheese

150ml full fat crème fraiche (or soured cream)

4 eggs

1tsp Dijon mustard

1 large clove garlic crushed

Pastry –

Preheat oven to 180C. Grease a 20 x 30 cm baking tray (chose a tray with 1.5cm sides or use a baking dish but trim the pastry at 1.5cm. Flour your surface and roll your pastry until it is only 3mm thick. Fit the pastry to the baking tray and place in the fridge for 10minutes to chill

(5 mins in the freezer will have the same effect).

Remove the pastry from the fridge and bake for 10 minutes. When the pastry is this thin, there is no need to blind bake, just prick the surface all over with a fork. Remove from the oven and leave to stand – don’t worry if the pastry is not fully cooked yet, you are just giving it a helping hand.

Filling –

Slice the leeks into 1cm rounds and rinse, ensuring any sand or grit is removed. Don’t dry the leeks after rinsing the extra moisture will help them to soften. Melt the butter in a large fry pan or pot. Add the leeks and garlic and sauté on a low heat for 5mins Add the wine and continue to sauté on a low heat until the leeks are soft, but not brown (approx 10 minutes).

Combine the eggs, crème fraiche and mustard until smooth. Add the cheese and leak mixture and stir until you have a thick leak mixture. Spoon the mixture into the baking dish, spreading evenly add a little grated cheese on the top. Bake on 180C for 20 mins or until golden.

Serve with a green salad and an crisp white wine (you can always use what’s left over for tomorrow’s tarte!)

Bon Appétit