Are you taking a 'Coach Approach'?

A good friend was telling me about a recent course she had attended - an advanced therapeutic Pilates course.

As a physiotherapist, she had expected the course to about bio-mechanics and treatment strategies, but instead the instructor had focused on the somewhat 'alternative' diagnostic skills of incisive questioning and active listening.

My friend explained that this was the exact opposite of her undergraduate training which had recommended the asking of closed questions with the intention of eliciting quick yes / no answers and moving quickly on to treatment.

The powerful combination of incisive questioning and active listening is what I call taking a 'Coach Approach' At Success Strategies, we teach courses in the 'Coach Approach' for managers, consultants and recruiters, but the 'Coach Approach' can be applied so many other interactions, from health care and education, to relationships and parenting.

To start taking a 'Coach Approach' ask yourself these two key questions:

"Am I asking good quality, open ended questions?" and "Do I spend more time listening than talking?"

What Are You Wishing For?

We've all heard the expression, 'be careful what you wish for', but how aware are you of your wishes?

I had an experience this week that served as a great reminder of the power of our thoughts.

As you may already know I have appeared on Channel 7 Sunrise on a number of occasions. Yesterday as I was walking past the Sunrise studio on my way home from work, I was thinking about the last time I had been a guest on the program.

My internal dialogue went something like this:

"When was the last time I was on Sunrise? It must be about six months ago... I must give them a call tomorrow and have a chat with the producer.... I'd really like to be on Sunrise again sometime soon..."

This morning, before I had the chance to follow up on my intention, I received received a call from Sunrise, inviting me to be guest on the program tomorrow!

What a great example of the POWER OF INTENTION.

So what internal conversations are you having?

If you are engaged in negative self talk, then these are the intentions you are communicating, to both to your subconscious and to the universe...

Remember, your intentions have the power to work both for you and against, so be careful what you wish for!

Make Your Dreams a Reality!

I received the most wonderful update from a client today.

About six months months ago, my client began to define the most audacious goals of his life and career so far.

During our weekly personal coaching sessions we began to develop a clear plan for achieving these goals. We also identified several limiting beliefs, and behaviours that were currently getting in the way of his success, and developed powerful affirmations and new habits to support him in his quest.

As he talked me through his list of wonderful recent achievements, I could see that his future was unfolding just the way that he had planned. Of course the last six months hadn't been without their hiccups and lessons that had needed to be learned, but overall he was really making amazing progress towards his goals.

You too can make amazing progress in your life if you follow the same basic principles:

1. Take the time to clearly define your goal - be as bold as you dare to be,
2. Identify and overcome any limiting beliefs or behaviours that may hold you back or get in your way,
3. Develop the commitment and staying power needed to achieve your goals

Remember it may not happen over night, but if really believe in your goals and you combine that belief with effort and enthusiasm, your dreams will become your reality!

Get in the Driver's Seat

Do you ever set a goal, break it down into all the actions needed to achieve it and then still make no progress towards the goal?

Today, one of my clients was showing me a very impressive action list she had created for one of her goals. The problem was, it was a list both she and I had seen before. In fact one of the reasons she had come to coaching was to finally beginning moving through these actions towards the achievement of her goal.

Now I need to add, that this particular client is a highly motivated, highly successful business woman, so it wasn't as if the achievement of goals was new to her - not at all! It was just that she just couldn't seem to 'make herself' move forward on this one particular goal.

I got my client to stop thinking about how to achieve her goal, and instead to think about how she would think and feel about achieving her goal. By probing in this way, we were able to uncover her true motivators for achieving her goals, as opposed to the coulds, woulds and shoulds, which are never very inspiring at all.

If you find yourself stuck and unable to make progress on one of your goals, ask yourself the following three questions and uncover your real drivers:

How will I feel when I achieve my goal
What will I think when I achieve my goal
What would I say about someone else, if I knew they had achieved this goal

Use your answers to these three questions to create exciting, inspiring and motivating goals that you can't wait to achieve!

What do you deserve?

All of my conversations today centred around the recognition that we all deserve to live the best possible life, and the various limits that prevent people from allowing this potential to become their reality.

If you are finding it hard to make the changes you want to make in the way you life your life, take a moment to reflect on the choices you are currently making; ensure that there are no outdated limiting ideas, beliefs or behaviours getting in your way.

So often the hardest part of the journey is the realisation - once you know, deep in your heart, that you ready do deserve to live Your Best Life the obstacles you previously perceived become mere pebbles on your path.

The Best Medicine

Today a friend told me a story about something very embarrassing that had happened to her earlier. By the time we spoke she had gotten over the initial shock and humiliation, and had decided that the only appropriate course of action was to laugh it off... and laugh we did!

By the end of our conversation I had tears streaming down my face and stomach muscles that hurt from being subjected to such intense belly laughter.

Now I can't possibly share her story, but I will share the lesson:

Most people take the happenings in their life all too seriously. They act as if they are saving the lives of small children or negotiating world peace! My friend had every right to be upset about her experience, but she chose not to be - she chose to simply accept that the experience had occured and then look for the lighter side.

By then deciding to share her 'pain' and invite me to join in her laughter, not only did she diffuse any remaining negative energy attached to the situation, she got to have a laugh about some of my more embarrassing moments too!

An affair to remember

It's very hard not to notice that today is Valentine's Day. I popped out for my sneaky chocolate break at 4pm and the line at the chocolate shop was around the block!

I'm not so keen on the messages and behaviours a lot of people adopt on Valentine's Day. For many couples, today is one of the only days in which each party treats the other as someone special. For many singles, Valentine's Day has become an excuse to beat themselves up for not being with that someone special.

Why not use today to reflect on the most important relationship you will ever have - the one you have with yourself. How often do you treat yourself kindly, acknowledge your special qualities or buy yourself a special something? Do you know what a great catch you are; romantically, platonically and professionally? How clear are you on all the reasons why you are fortunate simply to be you and how lucky others are to have you in their lives...

Regardless of whether or not you are in a romantic relationship, don't let Valentine's Day go to waste... use today to begin or reignite your most important relationship of all.

Don't Fence Me In!

I've been thinking a lot about limits. Partly in preparation for this months Coaching Club call but also because I have had a few conversations this week where people have tried to offer, or worse impose, their limits on me.

Be careful about conversations where someone shares a limiting belief and then either expects you to agree with that belief or tells you that if you don't now, you soon will!

Here are some of the limits that people have offered me - and that I'm glad I rejected:

• You'll never get a jgood job without finishing your degree
• Once you've worked in one industry, you can't change to a completely different one
• You'll never get a big name publisher to publish an unknown writer
• You have to give up your life if you want to succeed in business
• You can't expect to love your job
• All the romance will disappear if you move in together
• All the romance will definitely disappear once you get married
• Being married is hard work
• Don't expect to like your in laws
• ... the list goes on and on

Its important to remember that the only limits you need to accept in your life, are the ones you consciously choose to put into place; limits or boundaries that honour your values and take you closer to, not further from Your Best Life.

Positivity vs Reality

I read about a great piece of research a couple of years ago that has always stuck with me.

The study compared the perspectives of optimists and pessimists, to see which was closer to factual reality. The researchers found that although neither perspective was 100% accurate, the pessimists' perspective was closer to factual reality. What they also found was that optimists were happier with their life and lived longer!

Happiness and longevity are both high on my list of values and I know which perspective I choose to adopt...

Next time someone wants to prick your balloon of positivity by telling you to be more 'realistic', ask yourself what's more important -ensuring statistical accuracy or choosing a perspective that will help you to live a long and happy life?

I Quit!

Last night I watched the first episode of Law and Order SVU for 2007. Now, I'm not a big television watcher; there are really only one or two programs that I enjoy, but up until now SVU has been one of them.

I enjoyed watching one of my favourite characters Stabler, grapple with the moral dilemma of a case that didn't have a definite right or wrong. Although this episode wasn't a particularly gruesome one, the program is still about catching sex offenders and protecting the victims of heinous crimes.

It's easy to believe that this is harmless entertainment, but last night I had a really unpleasant dream that continued the plot of the episode - it wasn't a nightmare, but it was bad enough for me to wake up feeling relieved that my dream was over.

The really interesting thing was that the same thing happened last year! Except last year, after watching the first episode for the year, I had a full blown nightmare... and I woke up terrified. That experience was enough to shift me from a regular to an occasional viewer, but not enough to put me off the show entirely. Now... I QUIT!

It's important to pay attention to all sources of positive and negative energy in your life, not just the obvious ones. What was masking as an innocent form of evening relaxation was obviously having a toxic effect on my subconscious, and one that my poor mind needed to continue to work through while I slept in order to process its full impact.

So goodbye Benson, ciao Stabler...

I'm now back to enjoying just one solitary program - Grey's Anatomy... Hurry up and return to my screen Dr McDreamy!

Stop talking and start listening!

I was at a Thought Leaders workshop today where we did an exercise, that I found particularly powerful.

Working in a group of 6 - 8 we each had the opportunity to present a challenge while the other members of the group shared experiences they had in managing or overcoming similar challenges. The catch was, that when you were the challengee (listening to other's experiences) after you had presented your challenge, you were not allowed to speak... at all!

Instead of listening to other suggestions and immediately dismissing them, explaining why they wouldn't work for you or saying, '...but my situation is different.' You had to just sit there and be open to the ideas that were being exchanged.

The practice of 'open listening' was incredibly powerful and most people commented that by listening in this way, they were able to identify countless solutions to their challenges that they might otherwise have dismissed at first glance.

Challenge yourself to listen 'openly' more often. Even if it's not appropriate for you not to respond at all, waiting as little as three seconds before responding can open your mind to myriad possibilities!

Lift me up!

Today was one of those days...

Yes! Even success coaches have days when nothing seems to go according to plan. Today my frustrations were caused by technical issues, and by about 2pm there was a lot of steam coming out of my ears.

Just as I was contemplating throwing my computer out the window (not a good strategy - I live on the eighth floor!) I was rescued with a text message from my good friend, self awareness guru Tamy Starr, suggesting a coffee and a catch up.

Tamy's message couldn't have come at a better time and got me thinking about the impact other people have on our lives; we all know people who enhance and enrich our lives and people whose very presence drains and exhausts us...

A chocolate milkshake and an hour of conversation with Tamy later, I was feeling great. I couldn't even remember why I had been so frustrated in the first place - after all, it's was just a silly computer!

Take a moment to think about the people in your life. Are you clear about who has an positive, energising effect and who is negative and draining? Although you might not be able to avoid the negative ones 100% of the time, make a point of spending plenty of time time with people who are inspiring, uplifting and encouraging - you'll feel a whole lot better for it!

How bold is your vision?

I was having a great conversation today with one of my favourite people Matt Church, founder and CEO of Thought Leaders about BIG, BOLD visions for the future.

So often people limit themselves to only thinking about the future in terms of what is realistic. But who gets to decide what is and isn't realistic? So many times in my life, people have told me that an idea I had wasn't realistic, and I'm so glad I didn't listen.

I firmly believe that we each have the opportunity to create our own reality. Work out what you want your life to look like and go out and make it happen. It might not always be easy and the results may not come instantly, but the only thing genuinely holding you back is your ability to dream and then your belief in your right to pursue those dreams.

The vision I hold for my future is big, bold and brilliant - what does your future look like?

Give me the chance to shine!

A hot topic last week was micro-management.

The biggest problem with a control-freak or micro manager, isn't that they are wasting an enormous amount of time and energy and driving the people around them mad - although these are obviously serious problems.

No, the biggest problem a micro-manager creates is that they remove the opportunity to impress; by constantly watching over people's shoulder and continually putting in their own 10 cents (or is that 10 dollars) worth, they never give people the change to shine in their own right.

It's so important to allow your employees the chance to demonstrate their brilliance! Of course you will need to give them some key parameters within which to be brilliant, but allow them to join their own dots and bring their own talents to the party.

If you genuinely don't trust the people working for you, find new ones. But if deep down you know you have the right people for the job, delegate a task, and the responsibility for that task and then LET THEM GET ON WITH IT!

The name's Bond, James Bond

One of my favourite new films is the new Jame's Bond film.

I have to confess, I wasn't too keen when I first heard that they had given they lead to Daniel Craig. It wasn't that I didn't like Daniel, it was just that I so LOVED Pierce Brosnan... back when he was playing the lead in Remington Steele, I knew he'd make the perfect James Bond.

Anyway, I went to see the film, and I liked it so much I bought the company! Well no, I didn't by MI6, but I did go back and see it again the following week.

One of the things I really liked about this interpretation of James Bond was that the character was more real - he laughed, he bled, he had his heart broken and suffered for it... But it didn't stop him from getting the bad guys, and being the hero of the day.

Many people think, that to be the hero of their own life, they need each and every day to be perfect. No pain, no suffering, no problems, mistakes or screw ups. But is that really an achievable aspiration? Far better to allow yourself to real.

Experience all that life sends your way, but then take the lead from James Bond - dust your self off and be a hero regardless!

Not without an invitation!

Do you ever feel that someone is trying to intimidate you? I was talking with one of my favourite clients this week and this very topic came up.

Intimidate means to 'make timid' but can someone intimidate you without your permission?

I certainly believe that people can behave in an unpleasant way by trying to make themselves appear more important / valued / significant / better [and a variety of other tactics] but that no one can intimidate you if you are not willing to be intimidated.

Next time your feel like someone is trying to intimidate you stop and examine the situation more clearly. Are you holding steady in your own power, maintaining your confidence and belief in yourself, or are you giving that all away - accepting their invitation to become timid?

Who do you love?

Happy 2007 to you!

I love the rituals of both Christmas and New Year;

These days Christmas, in addition to it's religious and historical meanings, is all about celebrating your loved ones. Think about the people in your life that are most important to you. Did they receive the love and attention they deserved in 2006 or were your family and friends something that you squeezed in when you felt that you had time.

The best thing about the ritual of New Year is having the chance to start a fresh. December 31 and January hold such a power sense of conclusion and commencement it seems a waste not to utilise them.

This year, when you are thinking about your own fresh start, start by thinking about the people that you will spend next Christmas with. Consider those nearest and dearest in your heart and see if you can't make plans to give them a little more of yourself this year... don't just save it all for Christmas Day.