If it isn't going to matter then, does it really matter now?

On the 22hr flight from London to Sydney, I got in touch with my inner teenager by reading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. An amazing writer, she perfectly captures what it is like to be a teenage girl in love and I found my mind flooded by memories of ‘significant’ events from my teenage years – some of which I haven’t given any thought to for more than 20 years! It made me think about how incredibly important things can feel in the moment, but that given the passing of time, will become nothing more than dusty old memories…

Think about the things that are on your mind, troubling you or causing you anxiety right now and remind yourself that most of these won’t matter in five years time, let alone 15 or 20 years time. And, if it isn’t going to matter then, it’s probably not that important now either!

LifeCoachLive - 02: Gratitude & The Art of Giving Thanks

Click on the image below to play this month's episode of LifeCoachLive: Gratitude & the Art of Giving Thanks

December Newsletter

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The Happiness Code: A sneak preview!

I'm currently working on my new book - The Happiness Code.

Here is a sneak preview...

Have you ever wondered why some people are really, genuinely happy yet others experience a near constant state of stress, frustration or disappointment? Why does happiness come so easily to some people? And how can you make sure it comes easily to you?

If you strive to be the best you can be, not only will The Happiness Code be an exciting and inspiring discovery, it will be a relief. By encouraging you to stop trying to be perfect and instead incorporate its ten guiding principles into your life, you will finally discover the secret to lasting happiness.

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As a success coach, I have had the chance to examine the thoughts and feelings of hundreds of people. I have found that many people are so focused on changing themselves that they lose themselves in the process. Although their initial desire may have been for self-improvement, too often they use their new education and discoveries as fresh material with which to engage in critical perfectionist behaviour, leading to frustration and anxiety, an erosion of self-belief, and ultimately a lack of enjoyment and fulfilment from everyday life.

When I share this observation, all too often the response I receive is, “I’m just trying to be the best that I can be”.

But what does being the best you can be really mean?

At last there is an answer...

The 10 Happiness Code: 10 Guiding Principles

1. Take charge: the principle of choice
2. Give up control: the principle of influence
3. Live for now: the principle of presence
4. Expect the best: the principal of optimism
5. Back yourself: the principle of belief
6. Get out of the way: the principle of permission
7. Be grateful: the principle of abundance
8. Give all you can: the principle of generosity
9. Keep it up: the principle of commitment
10. Be brave: the principle of courage

Each month I will be expand on one of the guiding principles in this blog, so you too can begin to unlock the secret of lasting happiness in your life.

I can't believe Christmas is only four weeks away... where has this year gone?!?

Unfortunately for so many people Christmas becomes a time of relentless pressure.

This Christmas, why don't you practice saying no - Say no to the people who insist on 'catching up before christmas' even though you haven't heard from them all year, say no to the social engagements that you really don't want to attend and say no the endless bombardment of media messages about who many presents you should buy and how big that christmas dinner should be... Instead connect with your core values and plan a Christmas celebration that honours those.

Want more tips on saying no - check out last weeks Love Your Lifehttp://eepurl.com/e2HQ

LifeCoachLive - 01: Discovering your dreams

Click on the image below to play the first episode of LifeCoachLive: Discovering your dreams

November Newsletter

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What I learned today…. In conversation with Michelle Bowden

My guest today, on Real Women Real Success was Michelle Bowden, the author of DON’T PICTURE ME NAKED – how to present your ideas and influence people using techniques that actually work and one of the most vibrant and energetic people I know.

You can listen to the show here or subscribe to the podcast in the iTunes store

Here are some highlights from our conversation that rang particularly true for me:

• Success is hard work – and it’s not instant! *
• Believe you are a lucky person and luck will come your way
• Exist in a state of gratitude – always recognise how fortunate you are and how much you really have
• There are always going to be compromises and you won’t always enjoy them, but you need to be present to what you are doing right now
• Outsource and get as much support into your life as possible so you can spend your time doing the things you love

Michelle also shared two top tips for beating your nerves when presenting to an audience:

1. Remember it’s about them, not you. Your audience isn’t there to criticise you, they’re there to learn from you, so stop worrying about you and focus your energy on how you can be of service to them
2. Nervousness and excitement create the same physical experience within the body, you just change the language you use to articulate these experiences depending on your circumstances. Next time you think you feel nervous about speaking in public, reframe this experience by changing your language; you are simply feeling ‘funny tummy’ because you’re excited!

Michelle has been the Director of her own thriving business, that offers in-house and public training programs to help people present and influence at work, for the past 10 years. She coaches Australian executives for upcoming important presentations and is a conference speaker herself.

As well as all of that she’s also a very busy wife and mother of three little girls: Holly, Maddie and Annabelle.

You can find out more about Michelle and buy her book, atwww.michellebowden.com.au

* Michelle talked about spending 10 years building a thriving business, 10 years developing her skills as a speaker and a trainer, 10 years creating the wealth of knowledge that went into her book and 10 years earning her CSP qualification, the highest recognition for a professional speaker in the world. I thought it was also interesting that Michelle found 10 years to be her magic number. In Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers, he talks about 10 years or 10,000 hours as being the required effort for mastery and Michelle success is a testament to what you can achieve with continued effort.

Reader's Question: Young at heart!

I would like to ask you how you deal with “ageing”. I am now 59 and often feel that my age is a hindrance to obtaining a new job in today’s market. Christine

This is a really good question and it is a sad truth that some people still make snap judgements based on surface factors such as age, gender, race etc. The good news for you, is that the criticisms that have been levelled at Gen Y recently, have highlighted the value Gen X and Baby Boomers still bring to the workplace. Of course Gen Ys are valuable too - we all have different attributes and the important thing to focus on are yours.

Make sure your age doesn't get in your way at work by:

• Remembering your true age is not chronological, it's mental, emotional, physical and spiritual; maintain a youthful mind and spirit, an open heart and a fit and healthy body.

• Ensuring your presentation is contemporary. This doesn't mean that you have to wear the latest trends or dress like a teenager, but make sure your look is fresh and modern, not tired and dowdy. Check out my favourite stylist Elena Reed at Evolutzia Elena offers great advice interpreting the current fashion trends for everyday life.

• Paying attention to popular culture; film, music, television, online etc. so you actively participate in conversations with people of all ages in your work environment. I always say a sure sign you are getting old is when you don't recognise any of the music on the top 40 anymore!

• Most importantly believing in yourself and what you have to offer. At your stage in life, you have garnered a wealth of experience and the right employer would be mad not to want to capitalise on this!

Reader's Question: Dreams or Fantasies

Hi Domonique, Can you please tell me a little bit more about the difference between dreams and fantasies. Thanks! Helena

Hi Helena, the difference between dreams and fantasies is something I talk about in my book, Your Best Life.

The way I differentiate is a fantasy is something you enjoy thinking about, but for a whole range of reasons are unlikely to do anything/enough towards making it your reality.

Dreams on the other hand are things your really would like to bring into your life, and are willing to put in the time, effort and other resources towards making them your reality.
For example, in my fantasy life, I am a size ten, but it's very unlikely that I will ever go on the starvation plan required to make this a reality in my life. (I'm 5'10"!)

My dream on the other hand is to host my own television program showing people how to create their own best life. This is something I have been working towards, consistently for several years

The easiest test to distinguishing between dreams and fantasies is to ask yourself "what are you willing to do to make this a reality in your life?"

Reader's Question: Why worry?

Hello Domonique, In your book, you touch on the topic of worry. You advise that there is no point to it at all. I was wondering if maybe you could expand on this concept. This would be so helpful. Erica :D

Hi Erica, The thing with worrying is that it doesn't achieve anything. When we worry, our thoughts, just like our stomachs churn round and round without every achieving a resolution.

There are two types of occurrences in life. Those we can control or at least have influence over and those we don't. If something is concerning you, ask yourself what can I do about this. If there is some action you can take, then take it! If the situation is truly beyond your control then you need to learn to accept this. Whist that might not be a pleasant alternative. Worrying won't guarantee a positive outcome either.

Instead of putting your energy into worrying, develop a 'positive expectancy' about your life. This doesn't mean that negative things will never happen, it just means that your energy and attention will be focussed on the assumption that most of the time, things will turn out just fine :-)

I'll leave you with these lyrics from the Baz Luhrmann song 'Sunscreen'

"Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blind side you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday."

Perfectly Imperfect!

One of the things I find myself regularly chatting about with my clients, (and anyone else who will listen) is why it’s so important to give up trying to be perfect.

Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness as it is simply impossible to achieve. Pursuing perfection is a fast track to a constant sense of failure, disappointment, frustration and low self esteem. And, it’s a huge waste of energy.

A quick look at perfect on www.dictionary.com makes this abundantly clear:

Perfect -

• conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type
• excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
• entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

I don’t know anyone who fits that description, do you?

A flaw or imperfection in a diamond or precious gem is called an inclusion. So rather than think of your flaws as problems that need to be resolved, think of them as your own personal inclusions… the things that make you unique.

Focus on being the best you can be and accept that while you may never be perfect, you can be brilliant in your own unique way.

October Newsletter - Video Message

Here is the video version of my October Newsletter

- I would love your feedback....

Bringing your holiday home...

Last week I was on holidays with my husband, daughter, sister-in-law and her partner and my parents-in-law in Provence.*

We had been here less than a day when that familiar feeling of ‘I want to stay here forever’ came over me. Now as you can see, the place really was divine, but in honesty, do I want to spend the rest of my days living in a one street town in rural France…. No, that’s not what I want from life at all. An extended holiday yes, a life in the country…. not for this city slicker.

But the feeling of wanting to stay on holiday forever is one we’ve all experienced, and before you dismiss it, there are some important insights you can uncover. Next time you return from holiday, rather than thinking ‘oh well, I can’t stay here forever, I’d better get back to my real life’, ask yourself what experiences or feelings from your holiday can be retained (with a little effort) when you return.

Here are some of the insights from our group:

• Start your day gently in a relaxed and gentle way
• Read more for pleasure and relaxation, not just to keep ‘on top of things’
• Spend more quiet time on your own
• Have more dinners and social times with family & friends
• End the day gently; going to bed before becoming absolutely exhausted
• Worry less… about everything!

The meal of the holiday was my Tarte aux Poireaux (Leek Tart).

You can check out my recipe here.

*Six adults, one child…the perfect ratio for a relaxing holiday!

Feeding the people you love – Tarte aux Poireaux

As you may already know, in true Italian style, one of my favourite past times is ‘feeding the people I love’.

Whilst here in Provence, I made a Tarte aux Poireaux (Leek Tart) that was such a hit, it was requested for lunch on Wednesday, dinner on Thursday and lunch on Friday!

I thought I’d share my recipe here:

Tarte aux Poireaux

(serves 6)

Ingredients-

1 packet ready rolled short crust pastry (look for one with real butter not nasty transfats!)

6 large leeks/10 small leeks

100g butter

150ml white wine (wine left over from the night before is perfect)

1 cup finely grated cheese preferably emmental or gruyere cheese

150ml full fat crème fraiche (or soured cream)

4 eggs

1tsp Dijon mustard

1 large clove garlic crushed

Pastry –

Preheat oven to 180C. Grease a 20 x 30 cm baking tray (chose a tray with 1.5cm sides or use a baking dish but trim the pastry at 1.5cm. Flour your surface and roll your pastry until it is only 3mm thick. Fit the pastry to the baking tray and place in the fridge for 10minutes to chill

(5 mins in the freezer will have the same effect).

Remove the pastry from the fridge and bake for 10 minutes. When the pastry is this thin, there is no need to blind bake, just prick the surface all over with a fork. Remove from the oven and leave to stand – don’t worry if the pastry is not fully cooked yet, you are just giving it a helping hand.

Filling –

Slice the leeks into 1cm rounds and rinse, ensuring any sand or grit is removed. Don’t dry the leeks after rinsing the extra moisture will help them to soften. Melt the butter in a large fry pan or pot. Add the leeks and garlic and sauté on a low heat for 5mins Add the wine and continue to sauté on a low heat until the leeks are soft, but not brown (approx 10 minutes).

Combine the eggs, crème fraiche and mustard until smooth. Add the cheese and leak mixture and stir until you have a thick leak mixture. Spoon the mixture into the baking dish, spreading evenly add a little grated cheese on the top. Bake on 180C for 20 mins or until golden.

Serve with a green salad and an crisp white wine (you can always use what’s left over for tomorrow’s tarte!)

Bon Appétit

What I learned today…. In conversation with Kirsty Spraggon

I have received some wonderful feedback over the last week about my new radio show Real Women/Real Success. If you didn’t catch this week's show you can listen to it or download it to iTunes here... or visit Blog Talk Radio

My guest today was Kirsty Spraggon, author of Work As If You Own It and an expert on building relationships for life and business success. I just loved chatting with Kirsty!

Here are some of the insights that from our conversation that particularly resonated with me:

• Success is like climbing up a mountain. If you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will eventually get to the top.
• Successful people still feel overwhelmed, intimidated or downright scared about the path they are pursing, they just don’t let that get in their way.
• Stop trying to find work life balance and instead focus on FURK – combining FUn with woRK.
• Think about the relationships you are building as a long term investment in your success. They might not lead to new business today or tomorrow, but if you nurture them the will be valuable to you in the long term.
• Be yourself at work, give people a chance to see the real you. Authenticity is about people wanting something real from something genuine.

And, a great comment Kirsty shared after our show… ‘Success is like building Ikea furniture. It might cause you all sorts of frustration as you build it but will feel incredibly satisfying when you look back and made that myself!’

A former real estate agent who achieved global Top 1% status with RE/MAX Kirsty now works as a coach, consultant and speaker, assisting people to increase sales, networks and connections for life and business success.

To find out more about Kirsty visit www.kirstyspraggon.com.au

Little sacrifices, big results...

I was reading an article in the Sunday papers about Shakira who, in case you haven’t heard, is a Latin American pop sensation and the fourth richest woman in music


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During the interview, she was talking about a strict diet she was currently on, all fish and vegetables, and explained “You want to be skinny and have a good body? You have to workout every day and say no to certain foods.” When her interviewer commiserates, Shakira shrugs and says “You can’t achieve anything in life without a small amount of sacrifice.”

In this instance Shakira was talking about her body, but it is a sentiment she repeats throughout the interview, and one that I wholeheartedly agree with.

“You can’t achieve anything in life

without a small amount of sacrifice.”

So often people expect achieving their goals and dreams to be easy, requiring the bear minimum of effort on their behalf. But that’s rarely the way it works. Most success, whatever the goal, is the result of constant and continuous effort and a willingness to make these make compromises and small sacrifices along the way.*

Think about the goals you want to achieve and ask your self what small sacrifice or compromise can I make that will take me closer to my dreams. Commit yourself fully and watch your future unfold.

Remember, achieving what you want in life won’t always be easy but it will be worth it!

* If you want to be a pop star with a hot bod, saying no to chocolate will probably seem like a small sacrifice. I am of course much relieved that this is not my goal as saying no to chocolate would be more than I can bear!

Read the full article about Shakira here

What I learned today…. In conversation with Karen Miles

This morning was the first episode of my new radio show Real Women/Real Success.

You can listen to the show or download it to iTunes at Blog Talk Radio

My guest today was Karen Miles, the author of The Real Baby Book You Need at 3am and an expert on motherhood and it’s impact on women’s identity and career. Karen and I had a great chat.

Here are some of the insights that I took away from our conversation:

• Women are setting themselves up for failure as mothers, right at the start, with the concept of the ‘birth plan’. The baby has the plan, not you!
• It’s important as a working mother to reinsert yourself into the equation, considering yourself and your needs doesn’t make you selfish
• Juggling is something that clowns do really well, and not something that people do particularly well
• Focus on work life mix – what’s in your day that fulfils you professionally personally, as a mother and so on
• Invest in yourself and your key relationships
• Create clear delineation between working time and family time
• Get back to You First Thinking; back your instincts, back your needs and back yourself as a person.

Karen is also the founder of Miss Scarlett, an online stationery boutique that creates gorgeous cards for time-savvy mums who want the option to email their cards.

www.karenmiles.com.au

www.missscarlett.com.au